Among other things*, I have spent the past two days watching a walkthrough of Donkey Kong Country for the SNES.

My consensus? This game is weird.

After about thirty-eight or so levels of rolling on metal barrels, watching DK sulk whenever Diddy wins a prize, blowing holes in stone cliffs and finding bananas, and being dollowed around by parrots carrying lamps, you end up fighting King K. Rool. Basically, you wait for him to throw his crown at you, and then jump on his head. After about five or so instances, he lies down and you are treated to the Kredits, which are about five lines, attribute game making to guys like Kritter and Krump, and ends with "the end...?" Naturally, it is not the end, and King K. Rool rises on the third day to throw his crown at you some more. Rinse and repeat, and he actually does die this time.

Five seconds later, you are back at Cranky's cabin, and he quickly congratulates you on a job well done... all the while still beating you with his cane, like the senile German grandmother to Yoda he is. I guess the animators were too lazy to put in different animation. In the game I watched, Diddy did pretty much all the work because he was smaller and more agile, so where's his affectionate beating, huh?

Also, there is shark named Enguarde and a froggie named Winky.

*These other things include lying in bed and watching bad Disney shows, speeding through Gilmore Girls and Spaced, typing very poorly, spitting up blood into the toilet in the belief that I'm about to throw up, and vaguely resembling Fred Flinstone in the jawline. I never realised how much I appreciated how sunken in my face actually was until I could no longer see my entire cheekbones. Woe.